As part of writing non-consent and gender degradation erotica in a responsible manner, each month I present a Reality Check article, touching base with safety, respect, equity and health in the real-world.  An archive of these articles is also available to all members.

The following article was written following discussion with a fan. There’s no aftercare for intense porn – and there should be. The following is intended as something to read after you’ve just enjoyed some intense degradation porn – I hope some people may find it helpful.

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SO YOU’VE JUST ENJOYED SOME DEGRADATION PORN…

… and you’re someone who’s getting off on the fantasy of being degraded, not being the degrader.

Go you! I hope it was really hot!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that kink.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

But now you’re done, and because it was just porn, there’s no one to cuddle you and tell you that actually you’re not worthless, and the degradation feelings have stayed with you after they’ve stopped feeling fun?

Okay, so hear it from me:

You are not worthless.
You are not disgusting.
You are not dirty.

When you smile, you light up. Everyone does. There’s a moment of beauty there that you rarely see in yourself, because you can’t see yourself with external eyes, but over the years you’ve been alive it’s captured the heart of people that you never even realised, and it will continue to do so again and again all down your life.

You are fun, and not just sexually. The human capacity for joy is inherent and contagious. Not everyone will always be on your wavelength, but there are whole diasporas of people out there who are, all of them alone, all of them who will find their groove in your company and enjoy your energy and value the mere fact of your presence.

You are smart. Maybe you know that, and maybe you don’t, but I mean it. I know there are things you can do well. Maybe they’re professional. Maybe they’re creative. Maybe you’re great with kids, or animals, or plants. Maybe you know just the right thing to say at the right time, or maybe you’re just super great at really pissing off someone who truly deserves it. Maybe you’re a survivor who’s survived all kinds of shit you shouldn’t have to. You can do something impressive. Remember that.

And you are sexy. Not dirty life-support-for-a-set-of-holes sexy (although maybe that too), but sexy as a full, alive, complicated person. No one person will ever get to see the whole of your sexy, because that’s what being a complicated human means. But oh yes, people will want to get intimate with you, and it doesn’t have to be only on their terms, because you ARE desirable, and you can and should put your desires, boundaries and limits up front. Trust me, there are enough people in this world that there are plenty who will want to do EXACTLY what you want to do with them.

You had some fun with some degradation porn.

Now you’re done.

The world is bright, and beautiful, and you can put the porn down, and not think about it again until you want to.

Go cuddle a plush animal. Step into your back yard or balcony. Have a warm bath. Make yourself feel good.

There is nothing wrong with you.

And you’re going to be fine.

– All These Roadworks
April 2020

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