As part of writing non-consent and gender degradation erotica in a responsible manner, each month I present a Reality Check article, touching base with safe, respectful, equitable behaviour in kink, in relationships, and in the world generally.
Okay, so I write fucked-up erotic fantasies, and if you’re reading this then you’ve probably enjoyed some of them.
This month I’m going to talk about three things that feature in a lot of my stories, and a few differences between fiction and reality. And those three things are hypnosis, sustained arousal, and orgasms.
In almost all of the hypno stories I write, what I’m depicting is fantasy hypno, where a skilled hypnotist or a series of flashing lights and noises can take someone into a trance, possibly without their consent, and implant detailed ideas that they are completely powerless to resist.
It’s fiction. Enjoyable fiction, but fiction. It doesn’t exist.
Hypnosis does exist. Erotic hypnosis *also* exists. It can be fun, but it’s much more limited than the magical mind-control that I’m writing about. It is largely true to say that you can’t be hypnotised to do anything you don’t want to do, and to the extent that there are ways of getting around that, they’re deeply abusive.
If you’re interested in the topic, the best book I’m aware of is Mind Play: A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis by Mark Wiseman, which you can get right now as an e-book from Amazon (link). Wiseman is an accredited hypnotherapist who also happens to be kinky. He knows what he’s talking about, and he phrases his text in ways that keep all the fun possibilities of erotic hypnosis open, while grounding it firmly in principles of safety, consent, and risk management.
However, if you’re going to play with hypnosis, please be aware that it has the potential to be very harmful if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Absolutely do *not* play around with hypnosis without having done some deep reading on it.
Absolutely do *not* attempt to deal with anyone’s real psychological problems with hypnosis, including your own, unless you are an accredited psychologist – it’s incredibly dangerous.
Absolutely do *not* attempt hypnosis without a well-negotiated consent discussion in advance, that comprehensively covers the hypnotist’s skill level, the risks, and what suggestions the hypnotist intends to give the subject.
And *don’t* be that dick who drops random subliminal GIFs or audio into some unsuspecting woman’s inbox online. You are *not* going to hypnotise her, but that doesn’t mean you might not do real damage, particularly if she’s epileptic. It could constitute a crime that you could be jailed for, and at the very least it’s just really gross and impolite.
I write a bunch of stories where a girl is kept horny 24/7 over long periods. And look, that can happen. Probably a bunch of people reading this have done it to themselves. Edging can be a lot of fun, and the resulting orgasms can be very intense.
But please be aware that it *is* a health risk. Your body isn’t designed to be heavily aroused for long periods. As tempting as it can be, please don’t make this your default state. If you find you can’t help it, and your body is just staying constantly aroused – either for some physical reason, or because you just can’t help yourself – that’s actually something you need to seek medical help for.
The first risk is hydration. Being aroused uses up water. Make sure you take regular drinks of water if you’re going to stay aroused, whether you think you need it or not. Your body won’t send you the right signals about needing water, because it’s producing endorphins that are masking it.
Second is posture and position. Again, being aroused produces endorphins, so if you’ve been holding a single position for a long time (in a chair, or hunched over, or in bondage, or whatever else) you won’t get the signals from your body that it’s getting sore and needs to shift. You can damage your back, or other muscles.
Third is repetitive injury. It’s kind of funny, but also totally true, that masturbating too long (or doing any other repetitive sexual motion) can cause you a repetitive strain injury. And again, you’re not going to notice it happening because of the endorphins. Stop as soon as you feel sore, no matter how close you or your partner are to cumming, because by the time you feel it it’s probably already pretty bad. (Also worth noting here are friction injuries. If you’re rubbing your cock or your pussy non-stop for hours, you *are* going to feel that when you’re done. It’s possible to do quite serious injury, in extreme cases.)
Fourth is your brain. First up, while you’re horny, you’re not thinking clearly. You’re not prioritising things in your life correctly, you’re thinking with your cock or cunt, and the longer you’re horny, the more chance there is you’ll do something you’ll regret, whether that’s missing a deadline you were supposed to hit, spending money on porn you couldn’t afford, or something else.
Beyond that, there’s some evidence that long-term arousal can have effects on your brain. I’m not expert enough to speak definitively here, but your brain just isn’t designed to process that many happiness chemicals for that long. Healthy arousal is experienced in moderation.
Fifthly is blood pressure. Your blood pressure goes up when you’re aroused. High blood pressure over long periods isn’t good for you, and if you have an existing heart problem it can be very dangerous. If you haven’t stayed hydrated, it can be significantly worse.
There may be other effects – but the takeaway here is that just because the girls in my stories are horny sluts all day long, it doesn’t mean you should be. Save it for when someone’s around to appreciate it, perhaps.
The men and women in my stories cum often and easily. And I don’t apologise for writing what I enjoy, but look, that’s not a realistic expectation or goal any more than bimbo bodies are healthy, attainable (or even desirable) for most women.
The nerves that let us orgasm are super-complex, and there’s a lot of variation between people, and then on top of that our psychology and our body and brain chemistry play a big role in the ability to orgasm.
Some people – and particularly women – find it very difficult to orgasm. They may only be able to cum sometimes, or under some circumstances, or particular stimulation. Sometimes only if they’re by themselves. Sometimes only if they’re penetrated. Sometimes only after a long time. Some unfortunate women haven’t been able to at all, and possibly never will.
Now, I don’t want to downplay the role of experimentation, foreplay and good sex. People having difficulty with orgasming isn’t an excuse to not try, to not be patient, to not experiment with new sensations and rhythms and ideas, to not listen carefully to your partner about what they like and attempt to satisfy them.
But you also shouldn’t go into life with an expectation that everyone can cum quickly if only the sex is good enough. That’s just not the case. Nor should you feel rejected if after good sex they need to finish themselves off with their hand, or a vibrator. What works for them is what works for them, and that’s not something that can be changed through force of will.
Personally, it almost always takes me a *long* time to cum – more than an hour – and it’s most reliable from my own hand. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to do a ton of things with women (and I’m fortunate enough that I get to do these things frequently, with several wonderful partners.) It’s actually very helpful for being able to write stories without “losing the mood”, and means I’m not going to “finish too quickly” when playing with a woman – but a lot of the time it’s also super-annoying, because there’s no such thing as a “quickie” for me.
Anyway, if you’re someone whose orgasms are difficult, unreliable, hyper-specific, or absent altogether, please know that you’re *not* abnormal, that it’s very common, and it’s not any failing on your part.
And FYI, being on some medications can dramatically increase or decrease your ability to orgasm. Both the pill and antidepressants are commonly reported to have this effect in some people. That is absolutely *not* of itself a reason to stop taking them – and definitely don’t stop antidepressants without consulting a professional! – but ideally it could be something to raise with your doctor, if you’re lucky enough to have a sex-positive doctor who’s bothered to actually do some education in this area.
There’s a bunch more topics I could talk about here, but this feels like it’s a long enough article, so I’m calling it a day. Thanks for reading.
If you’ve got topics you’d like to see me address in future Reality Check articles, send me an email at email@example.com
– All These Roadworks
early January 2020